The Estonian American Experience > "So, are you Estonian or American?” By Andres Simonson

By Andres Simonson, originally for Estonian World e-magazine, March 5, 2014.

“So, are you Estonian or American?” On heritage, nationality and grammatical conjunctions.

Hyphenated Americans exist in many combinations. This article explores how an Estonian-American identifies himself.

The year was 1994. The setting was the Hell Hunt pub in the Old Town section of Tallinn. The beer in my hand was a varietal of Saku. The hour was late.

This was my first visit to Estonia – a young man born in the United States to Estonian refugee parents – and I was having a pleasant conversation with a couple of locals. After chatting about life in the United States vis-à-vis life in Estonia, my familial connections to Estonia and the Song Festival that was beginning in a few days, I was asked a question that caught me somewhat off guard: “So, are you Estonian or American?”

I don’t remember my exact answer, but it had something to do with being firmly attached to my heritage and yet proud to be a citizen within the framework of the US Constitution, despite our faults. I don’t remember the exact response, but it had something to do with making sure I honour my ancestry, despite the distance between the two shores.

Although many years have lapsed, every so often and to this day, I hear the question as if I was still sitting in that crowded and dimly lit cellar pub. I hear the question and I’m taken back to my roots in a faraway land. I hear the question and I fixate on the “or” ultimatum – do I consider myself Estonian or American?

I ponder it some more. And I realise, the grammatical conjunction is all wrong. This really isn’t a case of either/or. I am Estonian and American. American and Estonian.

I am Estonian because that’s where my parents were born. I am American because that’s where I was born.

I am Estonian because I can correctly pronounce the tilde straddled double vowel in õun. I am American because my predominant tongue is deprived of amusing vowels crowned with squiggly accent marks.

I am Estonian because my passions tell me so. I am American because my loyalties tell me so.

I am Estonian because I know the legend of Kalevipoeg. I am American because I unfortunately know the legend of the sisters Kardashian.

I am Estonian because I am proud of my heritage. I am American because I am proud to live in a nation drawing from so many heritages.

I am Estonian because I can dance the Kaerajaan. I am American because I can dance the Macarena. (Ok, you got me, I can hardly do either.)

I am Estonian because I can speak an odd yet beautiful finno-ugric language. I am American because I can hear many odd yet beautiful languages as I walk down the streets of New York City.

I am Estonian because I know 19 different ways to prepare a potato. I am American because I know 19 different ways to prepare a bacon cheeseburger.

I am Estonian because I fly the blue, black and white flag. I am American because I fly the Stars and Stripes above any other flag on the pole.

I am Estonian because I know where to find Lake Peipus. I am American because I like Pepsi and steak.

I am Estonian because I have contemplated carrying my wife across an obstacle course in hopes of winning a year’s supply of beer. I am American because a year’s supply of beer sure sounds good, even if I have to carry my wife across an obstacle course.

I am Estonian because I have an Estonian name. I am American because nobody has an American name.

So if you ask me that same question again today – are you Estonian or American? – my answer would simply be “yes”.

March 20, 2014 | Registered CommenterPosted by Linda Rink

Tere Andres, I love this story! I agree 100%.

I once talked to a Russian-Estonian journalism student who told me that when she was growing up her parents were told: one person can't be both Russian and Esotnian, you have to choose! You have to choose which day care to put her in, it's gotta be either Russian OR Estonian. And so she was amazed when I said to her, it's never been a choice for me, it's always been both American AND Estonian. Of course one person can have two identities - or one intermingled, coexisting, mutually affected and enlarged identity...

This is a major difference even today in how US and Estonian identity is conceived of, and I'm sure the Estonian attitude will have to develop into a more inclusive identity, it will only make the culture and nation stronger.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVirve Vihman